5/30/2025

5/30/2025

I’m back. Back from what? I don’t know.

One thing nobody really tells you about is the physical problems that go along with this stupid thing in my head. And by that I mean I expected seizures, hell they’re the reason I found this little fuck.

I didn’t expect to break my shoulder during my first seizure, or for it to still hurt like 4 months later. Shit, has it been that long? Something like that.

I didn’t expect to break one of toes during my first seizure, see above. At least that healed relatively quickly, and by that I mean sometime in March.

I didn’t expect to (????) my ankle yesterday morning. I’m still figuring out what, exactly, I did, but it still hurts. Walking/shuffling around my condo does nothing for my confidence, and fearing a fall 100% of the time is a little terrifying. Pair that with my ever-present concern about seizures, and my life is a mess. Moreso than before.

I’m headed into night 4/5 of my new Chemo regimen, which is 380mg for 5 days, compared to 150mg for 42 days before paired with targeted radiation. Did I mention the radiation created some shiny bald spots that I hadn’t even noticed until my partner pointed out the one on my right side, and then I found on my left side? Probably not. They’re so smooth, for now at least. And they might grow back in at some point, and might be green/red/purple/who knows. Or maybe just curly. Doesn’t matter much, see my next paragraph.

Mid-June I’ll be starting Optune. Best as I have determined/read/etc., I’ll be shaving my head every 2-4 days, washing it more often than I ever have, drying it off, and placing 4 “arrays” on it, one on each side, one in the front, and one in the back. Apparently you are allowed to fuck up which one goes where, so long as you hook up the cables in the right place. And you can fuck that up, too, so long as you hook up the cables to the matching wrong place on the power box or something. Clearly I’m optimistic about all of this. Then you hook up the power box to something else that might be battery powered, or might be plugged into the wall, or something, and it zaps this little fucker in my head every couple of seconds to keep it from growing, or reproducing, or something. I’ve heard the technology is amazing, I’m just still wrapping my head around the concept. And I love that phrase, as anyone that’s been around me much recently will tell you. Wrapping my head around it. Get it?

To be continued.